Listen To Me
You never know what people are going through, and nothing has proven this to me more than going through something myself. Since getting back home from Thanksgiving I have been waking up every morning with intense sinus headaches. They're concentrated behind my right eye. Many mornings the pain has been maddening. I can't hold still but moving around doesn't help. I can't stand the light but being in the dark isn't any better. For the past 10 years or so this has been a recurring event with me. The most frustrating of it all is that it had been nearly 2 years since I had any trouble. Now, it's back with a vengeance.
I went to the doctor a few weeks ago. For those that really know me, you know what a move of desperation that was. I started to tell him what was going on, but I was actually racked with pain at the time and couldn't even think straight. He told me everything I've heard before - use saline solution to irrigate your sinuses, sleep with a vaporizer going, drink plenty of fluids - blah, blah, BLAH! Did you hear me say I've battled this over the past 10 years? I've tried the frigging saline solution, Doc! Most days, it is totally debilitating. I can't function until I get some relief from the pain. So this creates a lot of explaining about why I don't answer my phone before 9:30, or why I got up and left in the middle of our prayer meeting. And the explaining sets off an endless string of remedies and stories from other people who claim to have, "gone through the exact same thing."
Okay, I've written all that just to say this: People want someone to listen to them. Throughout this ordeal, I've found myself longing to just be able to explain to someone how I feel. I want to be able to talk to a specialist or a doctor who will LISTEN TO ME, and begin to care for the uniqueness of my situation. I don't want to be treated like the last person who came in complaining of sinus pressure. Don't tell me I have seasonal allergies - tell me what I'm allergic to. Are you getting the parable?
I am more convinced than ever that one of the greatest failures of the church is our unwillingness to listen to people. We already know how to fix them so why would we care to hear the unique details of their story? If you have ears to hear it, you'll notice the way people try to tell you their story long before you've even given them reason to believe you'd listen. They are so lonely, feeling like no one understands the way they feel, that they will start spilling their guts to almost anyone. This is a vicious cycle because each person they tell that does not truly listen only perpetuates the isolation and the heartache. They go through life feeling as if no one knows and no one understands so they begin to believe that no one cares.
God, please make me into a listener. Give me ears to hear what the people around me are really saying. Open my heart to bear their burdens. Amen.
Scott Bane
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I'm not sure how to begin because I know how you feel but I also know that I've been guilty of the useless chatter as well. I've been on both sides of the fence. As I have grown older though, I am learning to keep my words few unless I truly have what I believe to be, good insight and many times I don't so I stay quiet. Sometimes though we love to hear ourselves talk, that is for sure. I guess the important thing is your prayer at the end. God make me a listener as well and give me ears to hear too.
I'm battling much of the same, although my pain is not enough to keep me from life. That's tough. I'll be praying for you. I also know how it goes with the doctors. I've been told the same things. It's very frustrating. What's worse this time, is that most of what I'm dealing with has been brought on due to my own choices. Not enough rest, not eating right,etc.
I keep thinking if I can make it through this week, I get 2 weeks to rest!!
I really hope we get to see you when you're here.
Thanks for the comments! Mike, I agree with you: we like to hear ourselves talk. I have suffered under that problem. Another mistake that we make, I think, is trying to be empathetic - trying to convince people that we "really do" understand what they are going through. We do that by telling our story instead of listening to "their story." I have also done this to people, and thinking back on it, I have never connected on a real level by telling my story. The times that bear the most fruit are the ones where I listen.
Good stuff, Brother!
I do have to agree. We do talk just to hear ourselves. Maybe for reassurance and maybe not feel alone. I know that sometimes we want to talk without someone having all the answers just to "get it off my chest". Sometimes, I know I say too much and sometimes I feel I don't help enough. I can remember someone telling me, I don't need answers or how to's, I just need a sounding board and a hug! I still battle the wanting to fix it's though! And on the other hand, I have a hard time with the people who just want to fix it! I guess I am also part of the problem on both ends. It is a hard balance. And on the talking end, we don't want to hurt the people we are talking to by saying, "just listen, don't fix it" and on the listening end it is so hard to watch someone who is hurting and not "feel" as though we are helping them! Make sense? See I am already doing it again, stink!
Anyway, thanks for sharing and me too: God, please make me into a listener. Give me ears to hear what the people around me are really saying. Open my heart to bear their burdens. Amen.
I agree. I definitely need to learn to shut up and really listen. Especially to my kids.
Scott,
I know this may sound strange but maybe you should see if it's your optical nerve that is causing the headaches. You say it's behind your eye or eyes.
I suffered for years and finally was told it was told I was just crazy in so many words. To make a long story short, I woke up one day and called the eye doctor and told them I felt my eye were going to blow out of my head and I needed to see the doctor asap the pain was so bad I could not lift my head. Sure enough it was my optical nerves they were swollen and at night it would get worse from laying down, after being up for awhile the pressure would equal out and the pain would not be so intense.
Sometimes doctors don't look in other directions, you have sinus problems so why look for something else with you your symptoms are classic, open and close case next patient please.
I hope this information is helpful I know how frustrating it can be dealing with doctors.