They'll Bloom On Their Own
I've been thinking a lot about my amazing Easter 2007. Jesus started so many stories by saying, “The kingdom of God is like…” Last Easter, I took a trip to South Africa that turned out to be an invitation to take part in one of those stories. I wrote about the experience while I was still over there and you can check out those entries here.
Nothing could have prepared me for Easter Camp in South Africa. What I mean to say is that no one could have described the sense of love, acceptance, belonging and community that I enjoyed last Easter. In fact, I wonder if it is even possible to understand until experienced… I felt as though I were literally living in the kingdom of Heaven. There were no walls, no barriers, no hindrances – nothing to stand in the way of connecting with people – nothing to keep us from loving one another and being loved in return.
I’m a regular at a neighborhood coffee shop, and every morning I see the same group of seniors sitting together and having coffee. Everyone knows them, maybe not by name, but they are well known. There are eight in the group and every day, they seem to be having the greatest time with one another. They laugh for the whole two hours they sit together. How can they get together every day and still have so many funny stories to tell? How do they keep generating new experiences to share with one another? I have tried to sit close enough to overhear and steal some jokes, but I haven’t been able to yet. I’m intrigued because these “old folks” seem to have captured the magic I experienced for 5 days in Africa and I want in.
But that’s the problem. Although we all “know” them, no one else gets in. This is their circle and a ninth person, an outsider, would break the mojo. As soon as I interjected myself, crickets chirping and people uncomfortably clearing their throats would replace the laughter. Unfortunately, this is likely to happen to the masses of people who will dare to make their yearly pilgrimage back to church for Easter Sunday. They will sense the magic of a loving community, but they will know it does not belong to them.
I wish for everyone to experience the thrill of belonging to a community like I see these seniors enjoying and like I had the privilege of visiting in Africa. I had the same sort of magic with my college basketball team. It's like the Psalms come alive and we know that, "How good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity," is far more than a casual observance. It's real. powerful. stuff.
I used to think that churches had to keep themselves Teflon-free by allowing for the entry of new people into the big circle. I'm sure that is true to a degree - we do not want an exclusive, insiders-only culture in our churches. That's very destructive. But I don't think the goal is becoming the "ninth member" of the circle of eight. Instead, I think we should be helping people to find and connect with their own circles. Who are your people? What do you like to do together? So church wouldn't be a big circle of hundreds of people all enjoying great fellowship and relationship; it would be lots of smaller circles. We don't see Jesus inviting the 13th disciple on board in Mark chapter 8, or something like that do we?
Of course this has been tried - this is the philosophy behind cell groups. But I'm thinking today that it cannot be forced or administrated. We just create the atmosphere in which relationships can grow - we provide them the right conditions and enough resources to bloom on their own. Then we leave them alone! Because they do not belong to us - they are God's.
Scott Bane
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Hey Scott,
There are plenty of good nuggets in this post. Probably one of the best two years of my Christian walk were those I spent in a small group in the 90s. It had all of that non-forced feel to it. We cared for one another, fed the hungry, met the needs of those in the group and grew together in our walk with God. It was great, and not duplicated since in my walk.
The key for leaders is to "create the atmosphere" but more than not, to stay out of the way. Give space for relationships to form and encourage the natural connectors and leaders to do what they do best. It is truly magic when authentic community emerges, so much of what we do in church is phony and contrived. Keep on this track it is a good one...
Blessings,
Charlie
I can't even begin to put into words how much I want that kind of connection (need it in fact.) In my life personally, I am so far away from any answers to what needs to happen next. I've never been in such a confusing place. I've been plenty confused over the years, but always let others I thought wiser than myself steer my course. This time is different. There is no person who can help. Only God has the answers my family needs, and right now He's pretty quiet about what's coming next.
A group like what you're talking about would encourage us to wait for the Lord's direction, and not try to tell us what He is saying. It sounds like such an unreachable ideal, but the fact that you did experience this type of community with others gives me hope that it can happen. Maybe we should move to Africa.
I'm totally kidding about that.
Your experience in Africa sounds "unreal" how amazing to have that type of connection. I know what you are speaking of and having a tight-knit close group is great, however how do you encourage or have someone who is shy or a little worried to get involved and create friendship. Those who are just coming into the church or just coming back to the church feel, sortof, left-out, and don't want to intrude on the conversation and relationships already there. Don't get me wrong I see where you are going with this and it is truly amazing to have strong relationships like this and it is necessary for some, but to new ones it looks and sounds like an unwelcoming clique. For those of us that are outgoing this is easy just push your way in and start talking!!!
Now that I am not a "member" of any church it is more peaceful to go to church and not have any strong cliquey relationships, but I miss those real ones I made and I know I am afraid to start over. Making new relationships puts myself out there and leaves me hanging to be hurt, not sure that that's what is right for me. I guess for now you could say my close-knit group is my family.
Where was I going? Oh yea, in theory it sounds great but how do we get past the potrait to the "real deal". You know real with each other? How do you tell another church member that you messed up dearly or that you just want to pray about whatever by yourself and there isn't any reason for them to know? How do you "mess up" without judgement? You don't. How do you chose what is right for you and not explain it over and over and over. How do you not follow the crowd in a place like we have in US? Sounds like Africa is just open and welcoming.
Chrissy, I do see your point. One mistake we do not want to make is to simply write this off to some phenomenon "over there" that only works because it's Africa. I don't think you're saying that exactly, but close :-)
It wouldn't be easy, that's for sure. I think it might be impossible to turn around an existing church that has already turn inward and toxic, but starting from scratch we'd have a chance. I was talking to my cousin yesterday. He just started going to a really big church all by himself. That must be one of the hardest things to do - go off to a brand new church, all by yourself. He's been going about a month and is already thoroughly involved in their "young adults" stuff. The way he got connected was a girl about his age just walked up to him and said, "How old are you?" That's how it starts.
What we need is a culture in which people ACTUALLY CARE about the people around them. We don't want to change them. We don't want to get them to fit in with us. We want them to see the love and benefit of community and then desire to have their own - not to join mine. Does that make sense? Mine is open to you if you want in, but that's not my goal. To be totally honest, I don't know of a church like this where you live, but it can work and is working - even in these United States :-)
I have more ideas about how to do this that I'll be writing about. And you're always welcome to spend an Easter with my friends in Africa.
This sounds amazing! I appreciate your response and would love a church like this. I do agree that a church starting out has an awesome chance of achieving this goal, my prayer would be that as it grows that the people of the church do not turn inward and continue to grow with the changes and with acceptance and openess! I look forward to your continued writings on this. I do so enjoy your fresh and new look to an old idea! I love that you are setting out to achieve this and not by your own strength but by His strength! That's where the success of the community of the church you are building is coming from!