Has anyone ever read your mind?
My great friend Andy sent me a link to something that he wrote over a year ago. He and I have been emailing each other about it today. I asked if I could repost it here because it is such an eerie articulation of my own heart. Andy and I seem to stay on the same wave length. I hope you enjoy it too:
"A while ago I blogged how I had been poised to write a post about being really fired up about church again, but being side-tracked before I could get typing. And then, shortly after, someone took a hose to my fire and I felt less inclined to type it. But this fire is like one of those magic candles: it looks like it’s gone out but then it comes right back at you.
I had met with my buddy and we talked about church. It brought my heart to life about what it could be. It reaffirmed to me what I believe it should be.
I go to Nero’s and I sit, I drink great coffee, I work, I browse the ‘Net, and I observe. I observe people who are about their business, and I wonder: I wonder what life means for them; I wonder what they see; I wonder what they hear; I wonder what their heart cries out in the darkness, in the quiet moments when they are alone. I wonder what it would be like to brush against them, what they could show me and what I could show them.
I wonder if the word ‘koinonia’ would mean anything to them, if it would interest them, because I’m damn sure the word ‘church’ wouldn’t. I wonder if they cry for the orphan and the widow, I wonder if they long to see the captives set free, the sick healed and the broken-hearted comforted. I wonder what this town would look like if it woke from its slumber. I wonder what would happen if a generation rose up and chose to live. I mean really live.
In that brief moment I wonder if I have lost the plot. I wonder if I am seeking the unattainable, if this is all some pointless pipe dream. I wonder if the life - the big life - I long to have is some utopian fantasy; some fictional creation that fuels imagination and nothing more. I begin to wonder if there is any point in even trying.
And then I remember. I remember the fire in my heart. I remember the deadness that preceded it, and the cry that now bursts out of it, a cry I can’t contain, a cry that consumes me, that invigorates me, that drains me, and that lifts me all at the same time; a cry I can’t articulate, but that I can’t not speak out. And I remember that my king walked where I walk, felt what I feel, wondered what I wonder. I remember that nothing I feel, think, say or do is a surprise to him. He has sat where I sit. And if I make room, he’ll come and sit here again, with me.
And as I remember, I begin to dream.
My affliction, if you like, is that I dream on a grand scale. I dream of generations living in freedom. I dream of a church worthy to be received by her groom. I dream of a church that has found her place, that has stopped fighting within and started loving without. I dream of community; I dream of vibrant, passionate community. I dream of gatherings in coffee shops; I dream of gathering in parks, in homes, in pubs, clubs, gyms and offices. I even dream of gatherings in churches. I dream of inclusion, grace and humility. I dream of lives transformed, communities liberated, and towns and cities awake with the joy of being truly alive.
And then I remember something else: in him all things are possible. And then I am back to wondering; I wonder if maybe, just maybe, this is more than a dream."
Andy is just getting his blog restarted at www.liveabiglife.com.
Scott Bane
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Just tonight I shared with someone that I'm so sick of "doing", and just want to be. This was a much better articulation than my pathetic attempt, but I feel much the same way...or at least I used to. Maybe my magic candle can be fanned into flame again. Thanks for sharing this post.
On Sunday our pastor talked about *really* living and having a "near life experience" instead of calling it a "near death experience" because seriously- we're probably having near death experiences everyday, we just don't know it. But how often are we taking time to look and see our near life experience? Making it count? Letting go and letting God. Meaning- really going for it even if it seems- in the natural- crazy or unattainable or unpopular. Getting over what is holding us back and turning it into a launch pad. It may be into the unknown, but it's LIFE. And living.
Steph
Wow- this is what I have been missing for years. We (my family) used to live and breathe this same dream, except it felt like more of a reality. What happened? I don't know,but, I do know I can't DO church the way it is being done. There has to be more. I am tired of programs and having to answer to man if you want to do things out of the box. I want to see the lost found, the hungry feed, I want to be able to sit next to a smelly homeless man at church and have him feel like he has found his family instead of him getting the look of you don't belong here. It really is not about us its about HIM, a very good friend of mine once taught me to be other minded, that it does not matter what kind of building or programs a church has it matters that the throw aways of this world(excuse the term), are loved, accepted, ministered to. Tell me where this is trully being done and I am on board. We can not afford to do church as usuall it obviously is not working, its time to think outside the box.
Thanks for the comments! Andy has a way with words anyway, but I really sense some extra juice on this post. We have been writing to each other about how this just blows upon a fire within us to actually DO this stuff.
Shannon, I'm with you - I can't do church the way it is either. We just moved to Northwest Indiana to start trying something different. We haven't actually gotten started with anything yet, but I'd love to keep in the loop as we do.
Scott-Please do. I am not sure what God is doing, but I do know he is stirring things up. Messing with my everyday, same old Christian life. You know He likes to do that. Anyway, I will be praying for you and the family.