I tried to convey my heart and our passion about building the right foundation for whatever form a church may take in the future.  I'm not yet sure how well I did.  I talked mostly about the same things I've tried to share in other places.  It's just so hard to really articulate the total shift in paradigm that I see happening within what we call church.  Jesus describes the quantum change he was bringing by saying, "New wine must be put into new wineskins..." (Luke 5:38).  I feel like this is the place we're living in.  The container for what we do must go through dramatic change.

It's not impossible that someday, at some point, we'll work with something that looks like what we'd all recognize as a church.  But I feel like that is a far way down the line.  Maybe not in years (but maybe), but definitely in practice.  I want to be part of a community that is wholly devoted to mission - not meetings.  Churches are nearly always formed around meetings, getting that Sunday morning service started.  Maybe that is still a great method, but I just can't go back to thinking and doing that way.  I have such a clear vision of it in my heart, but the right way to describe it and make it clear to others is still alluding me.  We just have to take each tiny little step as it comes.

For now, all I can offer to those who are feeling this same restless stirring - this same, "there has to be more than this" - this same sense of God's call is:

Let's follow Jesus together.  Let's get reconnected to what it means to be his disciple.  Let's listening intently to the voice of the Good Shepherd and let's dare to do whatever He whispers.  If this journey leads us to the same upper room with the same purpose and the same thrust of the Spirit upon our lives - well, that's going to be a lot of fun.

Can you tell that this is a work in progress?  If I could give you an insight into my "process" with this church plant I would describe it based on the tiniest of increments.  So far, it has been about doing precisely what we know that we know that we know God is calling us to do and nothing less, but certainly nothing more.  That sounds like a great theory for starting a church, but what if you can't seem to get God to give you any more direction than "move one inch that way?"  I guess all you do is move that one inch and then wait for new orders.  Easier said than done.

I knew that we needed to move here so we did.  Well, kind of.  We're here, but all our stuff (including every pair of pants that I own!) is still in storage in Florida.  We are still living in my parents' house, without any lead on a place of our own.  Those are pretty small steps. 

The next step we feel the Lord directing is to get as many of our friends and family together as we can and share our sense of calling with them.  That's what we're doing at 7 PM on Friday night.  If you were somehow left off the "invitation list" to that get together, it was not intentional!  Email me and let me know that you want to come:  scottjbane@mac.com.  We'd certainly love to see you.

I used to be able to tell you precisely the role I wanted in the kingdom.  I could tell you where my strengths where and what I can do well and not so well.  I had ideas on how I wanted to lead and what kind of "church" I wanted to have.  Now, my desire to be in the story that God is writing at all,  has trumped my desire to tell Him the part I'd like to play.  I sometimes do hope that I'm not the guy who "dies in prison," having preached the message of the kingdom but never actually seeing it come about himself.  But if that's the piece God is writing for me, so be it.  Is that making any sense to anyone out there?  I'd rather be a dot on God's page than on the cover of a book I wrote myself.

I see this as a step in itself.  It's a starting point.  Through a glorious but often torturous refining fire, God is burning at my perceptions and assumptions.  I believe He will someday have me seeing the kingdom through a whole new lens.  For now, I see barely deeper than a little get together at my mom and dad's house on Friday.

"A while ago I blogged how I had been poised to write a post about being really fired up about church again, but being side-tracked before I could get typing.  And then, shortly after, someone took a hose to my fire and I felt less inclined to type it.  But this fire is like one of those magic candles: it looks like it’s gone out but then it comes right back at you. 

I had met with my buddy and we talked about church.  It brought my heart to life about what it could be.  It reaffirmed to me what I believe it should be. 

I go to Nero’s and I sit, I drink great coffee, I work, I browse the ‘Net, and I observe.  I observe people who are about their business, and I wonder: I wonder what life means for them; I wonder what they see; I wonder what they hear; I wonder what their heart cries out in the darkness, in the quiet moments when they are alone.  I wonder what it would be like to brush against them, what they could show me and what I could show them.

I wonder if the word ‘koinonia’ would mean anything to them, if it would interest them, because I’m damn sure the word ‘church’ wouldn’t.  I wonder if they cry for the orphan and the widow, I wonder if they long to see the captives set free, the sick healed and the broken-hearted comforted.  I wonder what this town would look like if it woke from its slumber.  I wonder what would happen if a generation rose up and chose to live.  I mean really live.

In that brief moment I wonder if I have lost the plot.  I wonder if I am seeking the unattainable, if this is all some pointless pipe dream.  I wonder if the life - the big life - I long to have is some utopian fantasy; some fictional creation that fuels imagination and nothing more.  I begin to wonder if there is any point in even trying.

And then I remember.  I remember the fire in my heart.  I remember the deadness that preceded it, and the cry that now bursts out of it, a cry I can’t contain, a cry that consumes me, that invigorates me, that drains me, and that lifts me all at the same time; a cry I can’t articulate, but that I can’t not speak out.  And I remember that my king walked where I walk, felt what I feel, wondered what I wonder.  I remember that nothing I feel, think, say or do is a surprise to him. He has sat where I sit.  And if I make room, he’ll come and sit here again, with me.

And as I remember, I begin to dream. 

My affliction, if you like, is that I dream on a grand scale.  I dream of generations living in freedom. I dream of a church worthy to be received by her groom.  I dream of a church that has found her place, that has stopped fighting within and started loving without.  I dream of community; I dream of vibrant, passionate community.  I dream of gatherings in coffee shops; I dream of gathering in parks, in homes, in pubs, clubs, gyms and offices.  I even dream of gatherings in churches.  I dream of inclusion, grace and humility.  I dream of lives transformed, communities liberated, and towns and cities awake with the joy of being truly alive.

And then I remember something else: in him all things are possible.  And then I am back to wondering; I wonder if maybe, just maybe, this is more than a dream."

Andy is just getting his blog restarted at www.liveabiglife.com.

We left on Tuesday morning and got here Wednesday night.  That's about the best our two-car caravan loaded down with stuff and children could do.  I'm really, really excited about what God has in store and am looking forward to getting started.  We're still trying to officially move here, you know all the little details like finding a house, moving our bank accounts, getting our kids enrolled in a school...

So we have not been up to anything "official" as far a church plant goes.  If you've been wondering, you haven't missed anything.  If you live around here and want to get together, I'd love to see you!  Call me and let's go to Starbuck's.

This idea of "Starting Stuff" is actually part of my excuse for leaving this site static for so long.  I really have been busy, but so has everyone else on the planet - so I'm not going to use that one.  The real reason I quit writing is because I felt like I didn't have anything to say until I could release the "big news."  Sheryl and I are accepting an invitation we believe to be from God to plant a church in Northwest Indiana.   Sheryl wrote about this at her site - you can jump over there and read her thoughts.

This was a tough decision at first because NW Indiana is where we both grew up and where our life in ministry began as well.  There were a lot of reasons for this to be a really bad idea.  We had to sort through all of those to be as certain as possible that we were hearing from God and not just something of our own making.  For probably just as many reasons, it was a good idea too.  We both have family up there that we would love to be with again.  My older brother and his wife are expecting their first baby in September and we don't want to miss out on that.  My parents have always been such a big and important part of my kids' lives, we're looking forward to being near them again.

But all those good reasons could never add up to equal a call from God.

We had to know that this was about His Kingdom and nothing else.  It took several months and several confirmations but we are now confident that we are walking in the footsteps that have been ordered for us.  Sunday, June 8 - just over a year from when we arrived in Florida - we're leaving it behind.  I am going to miss so much of it!  This is my kind of weather and being cold is nothing I look forward to.  I love where we live and I love the schools the kids go to.  We love our friends so much.  Parting from them is the toughest part.  But we are seeking first the Kingdom - now more than ever before in our lives.  The passion that burns in me for the people of NW Indiana is unquenchable.  We have to act on it.

I'm going to be writing again and laying out what we're thinking and hearing as we take on this mission.  I think the starting point is to write about our call - what we believe God has said about us and about the mission He has given us.  Call.  Not vision.  Vision I'll talk about later.

Thanks to everyone for the friendship, prayer and support that has literally held us together over the past 2 years of exploration and risk-taking.  I'm more dependent upon the people God has placed in my life and His love and care for me than I've ever been before.  This is a wonderfully scary place to be! 

I think if Paul were writing this letter on his MacBook Pro from the local Starbuck's in the year 2008, instead of way back when, he would write something like:  "You have pastors, authors, coaches, evangelists-a-million, but you are scary-short on apostles..."

Where are all the apostles?

I find myself missing them more and more lately.  Which is interesting because I'm not even sure what I'm missing.  What is it I want an apostle to do for me?  It seems like there must be something.  Is there anyone in the Church today that has the authority to say the kinds of things that Paul did?  We're drowning in opinions and strategies and "movements" and "we just need to get back tos."  But we don't seem to have anyone that can stand up and say, "I'm an apostle by the will of God.  All this nonsense has to stop because it's divisive and it's fruitless.  And whoever disagrees with me, let's just see which of us God's power stands behind!"

I was talking to a friend and mentor about this recently and we both came to the realization that the scant-few apostles we've known were wild, beast-men who commanded respect but would also sit and have a coffee with you and would remember your wife's name.  We also remembered that they all seemed to pay a huge physical price for that place in the kingdom.  Peter was crucified upside down.  His brother Andrew was nailed to an "X-Shaped" cross.  If I recall my church history correctly, Philip died by hanging.  We think John was boiled in oil - he might have survived that.  Which is worse, dying in boiling oil or living after you've been boiled?  And Paul, just read 2 Corinthians 11 for a taste of what he went through.  We know he spent years in prison (think medieval dungeon) and was ultimately executed.

Is this what it takes to walk on the waves and raise the dead?

I'm not even really trying to "go anywhere" with this at the moment.  Just pondering.  What would an apostle look like today?  What would he say to this Church? 

Here's the link to the main page of Jim's blog for those of you interested in more from him: www.divinenobodies.com

Agreement must be an extremely difficult thing to get.  In my experience it has been.  I'm on the team of a church plant right now and getting on the same page has certainly been among our chief challenges.  In fact, sometimes I wonder if we are even reading from the same book - or maybe I'm the only one even looking at a book - or vice versa.  Working in any sort of team is an interesting thing.  I've been on some really, really good ones and some others that were a team in name only.  In every case, for better or worse, the whole ordeal seems to come down to agreement.  On the bad basketball teams I was on, it was because we had a few guys (or even just one guy) who thought the team should be serving his own personal desire to score the ball.  The rest of us were pretty sure that's not what we were going to do.

On the good teams, there is always clear direction and absolute agreement about going in that direction.  All differences were ironed out in light of that direction and agreement.  Jesus says, "Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.  For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them" (Matthew 18:19-20, NKJV emphasis added).  Only two or three.

I did say that I'm in search of 120, and I am, but Jesus makes it far easier than that.  Two or three.  That's all we need to agree so we can get Jesus' presence.  And what can't we do if we have Jesus with us?  The only hard part seems to be getting three people to agree, especially for any length of time. 

Why is it such a rare thing to have agreement?  It's not easy to get in a marriage, where you have the highest possible motivation to make sacrifices and do whatever it takes to keep walking together.  How can we hope to have it among people who have far less entrenched motivation to stay together?  Could it be that our enemy knows how important it is to disrupt the unity of Jesus' kingdom and that most of our warfare should be directed to "keeping the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace?" 

If the only way to get to the thousands is to have the 120 then the only way to get the 120 is to find the 3.

All the books I've read about starting a new church put a great deal of emphasis on getting those Sunday morning worship services started.  After all, you are not really a church until you have a building so you can meet on Sunday morning and singing songs and taking offerings, right?  The books talk a lot about the early church.  They talk about the way the early church "organized" small, home groups and how they took offerings ("had all things in common").  My favorite chapters in the church planting books are the ones where they talk about Acts 6 - how this brand new church cared for the needs of the widows and then selected "deacons" so that the pastors could spend all their time preaching and praying.  Man!  I wish St. Luke knew how much this was going to annoy me.  I could almost do without the whole chapter after the way church leaders have been beat about the head and neck with it.

Basically, the point of the planting books is that you've got to get those Sunday morning crowds in there so you can do all this cool church stuff.  The philosophy seems to be, "Draw a crowd so that you can then start building up your core."  For those of you that did not go to Bible college, that's what they teach us was happening in Acts 6.  First, the disciples drew a crowd of thousands then they started selecting their "key leaders."  God, if you're reading this site, please allow a great fish to swallow me if I ever use the words, "key leaders!"

But have all the authors forgotten that before all this started, there were 120 sold-out, hardcore, we're-not-moving-an-inch-until-the-Holy-Spirit-comes disciples?!  Has it occured to any of the world's church planting gurus that these people were willing to burst onto the Jerusalem streets, speaking in tongues unkown to them?  Is it significant that these were people so bold and obedient to God's power that they grabbed a crippled guy by the hand and commanded him to be whole?

Of course I don't know it all either - I hope you know me well enough to laugh off my obnoxious tone in the previous paragraphs.  The only thing I do know is that there is no way to get to Acts 6 unless you do Acts 1-5.  There's a ton of excitement around the thousands that started showing up, but really, I'm in search of the 120. 

There are probably some churches really using cell groups effectively.  Surely there must be or else the rest of us would never travel around the country to conferences and workshops to hear "how they do it."  But the concept smacks of all the way-too-much church that I'm specifically trying to get away from.  My point is that we cannot possibly have an close knit, loving, open and vulnerable community beyond a certain number of people.  But the answer is not to stay small by becoming exclusive and self-focused.

I'm also not talking about those sick little living room ordeals in which no one ever gets any healing or makes any changes.  They just like to come over, drink your coffee and talk about their latest crisis.  You've been in groups like that, right?  When no one opens up or shares anything authentic because the one person that does open up opens way up and scares off everyone that was looking for relationships, not psycho-therapy.  I am pulling my mental model from the life-changing experience of Easter Camp in South Africa.

Of course I realize that a mountain top experience like camp is not "normal" over the long haul.  I wouldn't try to hold on to the mountain top, but there are some principles around which it was arranged that I think can work as the backbone for a permanent spiritual community.  Imagine the set-up with me:  We were camping in a large, rectangle-shaped field.  The entire perimeter was divided into individual campsites.  Those sites were then occupied by the various "house churches" of the host church, Fountain Vineyard.  So if you look at the scene from a helicopter it looks like 500 people all camping together, but on the ground we are actually living life in much small groups.  Life is lived in smaller groups!

Each campsite was a little community of its own.  People showed up to their vacant space of grass and built it together.  In my little community, people did breakfast at their leisure, but we all ate lunch and dinner together.  Other communities did it differently.  We worked together, cleaning the bathroom facilities around the camp (that was our job - other communities had other jobs).  We sat together and talked and laughed and prayed for people and made fun of each other and listened to one another and argued with one another and everything people do while living in community.  People would wander over from other communities and talk about what we had that they didn't or what they had that we were missing.

Then, periodically, an announcement would be made: "We're playing cricket in 20 minutes for anyone that wants to join." "There is a bicycle race for the kids in half an hour."  "The snack shop will be open after the evening meeting for those that want to hang out."  "Some people are going to pray together 1 hour before the morning meeting if you're interested..."  Are you getting the idea?  Not rules - not forced - not administrated - not obligated.  Invited.  Then there were the morning and evening worship meetings for everyone.  We sang together and prayed together and there was teaching and everything else that happens at church.  But life was lived in the community.  We all went back "home" and applied all that stuff to real, natural, life.

When we begin to feel oppressed and burdened by life and seek out church as our refuge and hiding place from life, we're doing something wrong.  Church is not designed to function as a defensive fortress.  Sanctuary?  Yes.  Hiding from real life?  No.  But this is long enough... more on that in the next one.