They Can't Hear Themselves Anymore
Eight airplanes in ten days. Anything I once thought glamorous about being a "traveling minister" has long evaporated. This was as good a trip as any, just too many nights away from home. The fifth flight was from Tampa to Nashville, and it reinforced the Florida stereotype. I have never been surrounded by so many "retired folks." I guess Nashville is a big-time get away spot for them. For me it was just a hurdle on the way to Detroit.
Maybe it was because my flight was early, but all these old couples that surrounded me never stopped complaining and fighting with each other. The couple behind me, the only thing I heard the old guy say the whole time was "Huh?!"
Her: Did you put it in the bag?
Him: Huh?
Her: THE BAG! Did you put it in there?
Him: Huh?!
Her: I SAID... Oh never mind!!
It struck me that these people have been together for so long, talking to each other with this same kind of disdain and irritation that they can't even hear it anymore. I wanted to turn around and tell them to SHUT... UP...! but they wouldn't have even known what I was talking about. Like the parents in the show "Everybody Loves Raymond." They fight with each other and say all kinds of awful things to one another, but they know they really love each other. If anyone ever calls them on it, they plead ignorance. "What are you talking about? We love each other!" I could picture this old couple saying to me. I guess some people understand this and think of it as "sweet" in some way, but I don't. It is tragic. If I ever thought my wife would be talking to me with kind of venom in her tone of voice, I would need to start collecting the anti depressants now.
I couldn't help but make connections to the way Christians form a language of their own. I know I did it, and probably still do to some extent. The old couple behind me, I can imagine, would defend their unhealthy communication with one another by saying, "This is just the way we are. He understands me." I have heard Christians use that logic as a defense against changing the way we present ourselves to the watching world. I have been asking myself, "How do these stereotypes get formed?" If I hear 10 separate people tell me that they find Christians to be arrogant, judgmental and out of touch then maybe we are. If you don't stop fighting and complaining throughout the course of 90 minutes, you are a cranky old battle axe - no matter how you attempt to justify yourself. All the Christians I know really do love people and want to connect with them in authentic ways, but Christians-only culture has hampered their ability to do it. Hearing how bitter and angry these people in seats 21 A and B sounded brought me to question: "What do people hear when they hear me?"
Scott Bane
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Reader Comments (5)
That is a good question, I have never asked myself. Give me a couple days, this one is gonna take a minute, WOW! Thank you!!
Oh, this post is so timely! I've been witnessing to a friend this past weekend and got her to come to church with her husband. It is hurtful to hear all her innocent questions and assumptions about Christians as a whole, and it pains me that actual Christians have given her those impressions.
Regarding you & Sheryl, I have to say that since you moved away and started the Coastland calling, all I hear from you both is that you are reaching out to anyone to show them the love of Christ, and I see you humbling yourselves and seeing yourself and others as REAL people. Ok, so that is not written as eloquently as I'd like to, but anyway. That's what I have seen and it's something to be admired.
Steph
I know this isn't the main point of your post, but you totally cracked me up! I laughed so hard at the thought of you being surrounded by those cranky old people.....It reminds me of being around some of my grandparents. I just want to bash my head against the wall or something!! They think its normal, I think it's awful! We see things so differently, I have a hard time relating......maybe that is the point of your post!
Now, I'm not a member of the AARP (although I do get their mail regularly) or the Grey Panthers, but I do have to speak a word in defense of my peers. Trust me, as I listen on airplanes and other places, it's not just my crowd that talks to each other like that! I hear people of all ages (even some in church - gasp!) talking to each other with disdain and irritation. With most, it's a life-long habit. It begins in childhood, progresses in adulthood and is at its zenith when we become hard of hearing! Your post certainly challenges me: What ARE people hearing when they hear me speaking to/of others? Does my love relationship with Jesus determine what I say and how I say it? I pray it does, because I know that He is always listening - even if no one else is.
Alright, where are you? I check everyday!! Just kidding, I just enjoy reading what you post, almost as much as I used to enjoy hearing you preach!!!! I miss you and your family. Thank you for always being real, at least to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!